Fashion - Beauty - Mum Life


This page is a place where I am going to let my creative writing side out. I can't really tell you what to expect as to be honest I am not entirely sure myself. All I know is it will be random, creative and hopefully funny. As this doesn't really go with the fashion and beauty theme of the blog, this page will be sat here quietly and updated every now and again when I feel the need to give the batshit crazy creative Kim an airing.

"Dear Monday - My mama don't like you and she likes everyone"

To do list - Written
Kitchen - Cleaned
Kids stuff ready? - All packed
Feeling relaxed? - Totally zen
I can do this - You can so do this
How am I feeling? - Pretty epic actually

Gives high five to self and heads to bed.

Next morning

Well that was a shit nights sleep - Do you call rolling and huffing sleep?
Is it morning already? - Unfortunately yes
I've actually got to get up now and do my bastard to do list - Writing a list is setting yourself up for failure, you know this.
I feel weird - Kinda edgy aren't you?
I can't do this - No choice love

Looks at to do list "7am - workout" - opts for coffee and "breakfast" biscuit instead.

This sets the tone for the rest of the list and off down the path of woe I go.

F**k you to-do list.

It felt good at the time of writing the list, as if, y'know this time I was actually going to do it. I was not going to procrastinate, I was going to stick to the schedule and blitz it. This Monday was supposed to be the Monday of all Monday's, the game changer, diet started, house tidy, the project I started 3 months ago to be finished.

What happened? I woke up and realised its just another moody Monday.

It is now 2 pm, I can not let this beat me and I have decided to adopt a new motto:

"Don't think, just do"

I had a trial run the other day and I have to say it is a good motto, only I have to actually remember the motto, but I am too busy procrastinating...

The occasions I did remember, I took it too far, for example I booked tickets for an event without checking:
1) When it was
2) How I was going to get there
3) Childcare options.

I didn't go to the event - but kudos for trying right?

So my motto is actually more like:

 "Think a little bit to make sure not going to make a complete tit of yourself, but that's all your having, then you actually have to get off your ass and do it without any form of whingeing (internal or external) OK?" 

But that's not as catchy, so I am going to stick with "Don't think, just do." I would go with "Just do it" but that ones taken I think.

So whilst I am feeling all pumped and writing a to do list I have to remember my morning mantra of "Don't think, just do" until my list is complete. Regardless of it being morning, regardless of my mood.



This is a conversation between the two parts of a person

I think I am going to write a song

Not this again, the spoon one? what did you call it again?

Where do all the baby spoons go

Yeah thats it, catchy

Can I detect sarcasm?

Not at all, i'm quite pleased your keeping yourself busy instead of insulting me all the time

How did you know it was the spoon one?

I think it was the vacant stare at the baby spoon during breakfast this morning. Do you think its actually a thing then?

Yeah mums can totally relate to it

You sure its not just me that manages to lose every baby spoon? might sound a bit embarrassing if im the only one

Not at all, it happens to everyone. I bet midwives even inform expectant mothers at their check ups now

where do all the spoons go? probably into the same vortex as half of the socks

That whirling thing in the garage

No thats the tumble dryer


Lets hear it then

"baby spoon baby spoon where are you? I need to feed the baby breakfast whilst theres still the morning dew.

Baby spoon baby spoon he's starting to cry, I need more coffee I feel like i'm going to die.

Give him some toast he can hold it in his hand, he throws it on the floor i'm going to need a dustpan.

The dogs come running and snaffle it away, at this rate breakfast will take all day"

Obviously not finished yet, needs work, might add a rap dunno, but its epic right??? I will have everyone howling at that! 

Not gonna lie, it did make me break out a small smile but think it was more of a laugh at you than with you type smile. You need to end on a high though, like actually find the spoon or something

I need to leave the ending open for song number 2, y'know like the mystery continues

I'm thinking about singing it at an Xfactor audition

Thats taking it a bit far don't you think, in fact that's ridiculous! being on TV, don't think I could cope with the pressure

Stop being a wuss

Don't you actually have to be able to sing


Alright then Britains got Talent? they have all kinds of shite on there

Maybe just a blog post?

Do you have to be so lame, grow some balls and do it. This could be the making of you, the talent you have been waiting to appear for all these years

Hmmm maybe you are right, I have to do something. I'm not singing about spoons though. Can you imagine at school? it will be "shes the nutcase mum that sings about spoons" "Its the kids I feel sorry for" and "do you think social services are involved?" I cant deal with that, no thanks, there must be something else i'm good at.

What do you reckon then? what else is there?

Erm, dunno, ask google

Maybe I should write a book?

Can't spell

Join a sailing club

Hate fish

Study politics

Can't be arsed

and politics? seriously get a grip

Learn to bake

Learn to poison more like

Go to a dance class

Go to A&E


Calm yourself granny grumbles, anyway you've shabby chic-ed everything already

I'm running out of ideas

Spoons then?

Yeah spoons

1 comment

  1. Buckled �� We all can totally relate to those kind of conversations xx


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